graduate jobs

As I near the end of my final (for now, anyway) year of university I am having an existential crisis, as I assume most students do. Trawling through pages upon pages of internships and graduate jobs has become a daily occurrence in my life, and usually by the end of a two hour session I still have nothing to show for it. I favourite pages and think to myself, 'I'll sort out my CV and apply ASAP'. Lies. I'm lying to myself. The pages stay in my favourites and are far past their deadline dates before I even remember they are there. That folder is like a graveyard of my work prospects. 

I think the task of actually applying for a job I have a chance of getting is so daunting. The prospect of follow up emails, applications, phone interviews, face to face interviews without any guarantee of even getting the job is a horrifying one. Sadly, I become complacent about it and end up doing course work instead (I suppose there is worse things to do). Having taken a year out to work before I know how it feels to get knocked back again and again when you're looking for a job. The lowest point is when you get turned down for a job that you know you didn't even want in the first place, like a slap in the face. So there's that too. 

I think a contributing factor could be that there are so many graduate jobs that don't really suit me. A simple google search for 'graduate jobs' returns around 702 million results and if that doesn't make you feel physically sick I don't know what will. Most bigger fashion companies have schemes for buyers, marketers, merchandisers but nothing for people, like me, that are more creative and actually want to make things. So I have decided to become more proactive. I have bought new stationery (always an inspiring task) and am prepared to take on the horrifying task of entering the world of work. I am going to source companies that I want to work for and email them asking for work and hopefully get something out of my grovelling. Hopefully something will come out of it, and if not, I suppose I can fall back on my extensive waitressing skills. Oh god.